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19 March ramblingsIt's been so long since I have written - my emotions seem to be so all over the place that it is hard to even write in a way. It seems that I am learning though to try to just sit with all these emotions as they appear. I've always tried to control things so this is new to me - being somewhat of the "self-improvement craze" and I began to simply beat myself up - so enough already! I actually found a self-help book - Cheri Huber - that just cuts to the chase - embrace it all - embrace the present and embrace the emotions - be aware of them and it is all okay. I'm okay. I recently tried dating (pretty much the first real time since the brain injury -which made me very self-concious in a way) and it didn't go so well. It was really hard for me, but for me, I actually did really learn a lot, grow a lot, and "accomplished" some important steps and noted some personal roadblocks that I have. So although it didn't work, that's okay. It hurts, but i'm glad I tried it. The heart is pretty resilient. It doesn't mean it doesn't hurt but that hurt is okay. At first I went straight to beating up everything about myself after the break up - but then I started thinking about all that I had learned and that's good. I felt compassionate for myself and for him. The hurt then started to disappear and gratitude took it's place. Thank goodness! Peace made it's way in although sadness is still present some. It has been a quiet time and that has been good because I am enjoying listening to others much more (when nervous, I can talk a blue streak! - I don't really know what that means, ha, but I mean a lot of talking!).
I haven't been on spaces for awhile and I look forward to catching up on what is new with everyone. Much love. |
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