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12 June Rootswell, My trip to see my family was shorter than I had orginally planned. I was overenthusiastic and quite honestly if I had been my own guest I would have worn myself completely out. Quite honestly I am jealous, no not "jealous" that sounds mean, envious nicely, would be a better term maybe of my sibilings who are busy with their own families so I don't get to see them much plus they live far away. My parents who live far away as well have their own routines and I totally respect that, or should, or do now more so, now that I understand better. But I failed to understand that in the most sincere and loving way. I landed with the drama of a drama filled teen and though my energy waned - I was nevertheless endlessly talkative trying to make up for missed time. Then I was confused as they tired. I felt utterly rootless. So now I am back with my friends and though it took some time and a tremendous urge to flee to a new residence and new life somewhere near my imaginary perfect beach cottage, I am now starting to dig some of my own roots. I am planting a garden for the folks here and well for myself though it is blasting hot out! I actually jumped in the sprinkler today. It was a fun childish thing and I enjoyed it immensely.
My friends are a bit bewildered by my continuously changing mood but I think I've put them at ease that all is well. It is confusing that my life has stood still while others have seemingly moved on so much. The injury really messes with my sense of time occasionally, well a lot actually. But I'm starting to realize that that is okay. Well, not okay in some ways but with effort it is okay. I guess living through things that are unexpected and change life is hard in a number of ways but at the same time there is this amazing sense of appreciation for every little thing. This appreciation can at times be overwhelming. that sounds odd but it is almost like being a sponge and sucking everything in and that can be exhausting to the people that sometimes surround me. And then it is like I myself get full and have too much input and need to rest from exhaustion. It is this seasaw of extremes.
Taking some personal quiet time to plant this garden has slowed things and relaxed me. Somehow when I felt rootless and like I was missing time, God offered up the idea of literally planting some roots literally and seeing things grow and change. It was my friend who suggested it by example actually; she is a guardian angel in so many ways. |
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