I am a people-pleaser, really - I mean I want people to like me and I like and respect them, I fear conflict, don't like people being mad or disappointed with me and generally and altruistically really do want to make others happy and let them know that I love them. I do. But when is it okay to say no thanks to things? Trying to change some patterns of habits, I have recently for the real first time had to say that I couldn't attend something or possibly suggest an alternate time to do something. I let my friends know that it isn't personal and that I have some things going on right now with my schedule, but I am amazed at how bent out of shape and even mad some people are getting. For the first time, I 'm watching my own schedule a little bit and taking time to say do my laundry, go to bed at a decent hour, etc and not running around crazy trying to do everything all the time. But I wonder, will these people leave since I am not ready at the drop of a hat? They might. It makes me more stunned than hurt - well maybe they are at a tie, but I mean what are the guidelines for sometimes saying no thanks or can we do that at another time? What is the guideline for friendship? People say that friendship is always knowing that that person is there for you - well, I am spiritually, mentally and with all my heart there for my friends- I don't expect my friends to be available at any moment because they have very hectic lives - but lately I'm starting to realize that maybe they expect me to always be there at every event, outing, etc etc and while I am honored and wish that I could, I just can't always keep up with everything, normally I would try to and then collapse. Now that I am changing a little and making sure I get rest and not stay on this sea-saw of extremes and trying to create some balance in my life, people seem a bit mad, even after I explain, they still are focused on the fact that I'm not able to do something on their timeline. When does taking care of yourself become selfish? Does taking care of yourself make you a bad friend? What are the "rules" to a good friendship? Are there "rules" to friendship?
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